Last week I opened my laptop, checked in on a work document, stared at it for twenty minutes and as of today have no idea why I opened it. Kiwi was nudging at my feet to take her out for a walk and I still couldn’t muster the energy to go. I’m not tired. It’s exactly what far too many amazing women have done only to realize what was happening to them far too late. Women report burnout at higher rates than men; yet we push through. We call exhaustion dedication. We’re so good at managing others’ wellbeing that we fail to monitor our own red flags.
A Long Recovery
There are twelve stages of burnout – from going from the peak of your game to complete collapse. It happens over the course of time. And it starts out looking all too good. You’re meeting deadlines, you’re the go-to on that extra credit assignment, you’re the reliable element on everyone’s team. From the outside in, as laudable – and almost implausible as it seems – from the inside out, your body is screaming warnings.
I’ve seen this happen time and time again with NIWE clients – unfortunate and too late warning signs occur. The marketing director who at first never had a lunch break but was still clocking out at 8PM – and then found herself unable to make simple decisions. The finance director who snapped back at her colleague asking her about a routine budget question. These women weren’t aggressive and mean; they were distressed.
You’re exhausted even when you’ve had the best night’s sleep you’ve gotten; that means your coping mechanisms are working in overdrive. It’s only this quarter, we tell ourselves. But your body knows better.
Body’s First Warning
The body sends its first line of defence through physical symptoms disguised as minor inconveniences. You’re exhausted for months – but sleep eludes you. You’ve cried over things that should have been minor irritants, a warning sign from your nervous system.
These symptoms accrue into necessary change:
You have Sunday scaries – but they manifest themselves into Monday immobilization. You sit in your car outside of work for ten minutes until you muster the will to go inside. That cup of coffee is no longer revitalizing.
You can’t focus. What took you an hour to write now takes you three. You reread the same email five times. Halfway through a meeting your brain turns off but you have to power through for the sake of maintaining an unnaturally bright demeanour for others.
Colleagues annoy the hell out of you. That talkative guy who’s hogging the conversation in your meeting is grating – and your constructive feedback turns into defensiveness.
Your sleep cycle betrays you. You’re exhausted and yet you can’t fall asleep; you’re waking up dreading how terrible today is going to be while your body merely needs to catch up with itself.
Trapped by Perfectionism
Perfectionism breeds burnout through impossible expectations. Women who push themselves to greatness become targets. Professional women who could pump out quality deliverables time and time again find a ten-word email taking three drafts. Everything is an emergency. Everything needs perfection. Once extroverted women shut down social opportunities – saying “no” to lunch; “no” to the break room because we can no longer maintain sustained energy to be social while in the office.
When Success Leads to Burnout
Mid-level burnouts occur at 54% as opposed to entry-level roles at 40% – and the further we ascend in our careers, the more vulnerable we become. We’re charged with managing upward feedback – and compassion – which reflects downward expectations to our reports while simultaneously harbouring stress from all directions.
Only 25% of companies acknowledge the extra work women do supporting employee wellbeing; we play unofficial therapists – the culture creators – the happy birthday acknowledgers – utilizing invisible labour that depletes our reserves while going unrecognized in performance reviews.
Preventative Efforts
The first stage of recovery occurs when you realize it’s not worth it – it’s not noble when you’re suffering; it won’t be sustainable, relying on personal resources won’t last long.
Detection mechanisms need to be implemented – we need weekly check-ins and personal accountability for whether you’re at 40%, 60% or 100%. If Tuesday’s 8AM meeting is ruining your Tuesday afternoon – that’s valid information to assess.
Little interventions create space to catch your breath – even if it’s as simple as lunch breaks, because sometimes that’s all we’ve got for ourselves – walking meetings instead of conference room meetings.
Easy access to healthy sustainable sources of energy – companies that provide office fruit in break rooms have sick rates 20% lower than those without. Positive energy sustains glucose levels instead of crashing from sugary snacks. Where apple slices and bananas might seem insignificant while your world is crashing down, your brain needs that sustained glucose; depletion starts slowly over time – and so does recovery.
Establishing boundaries before boundaries need to be established – no meetings before 9AM; that email can wait until tomorrow after 6PM; weekend work should only happen for true emergencies.
How To Know You’ve Overwhelmed Yourself
When you’re taking it out on others – it’s called displacement – and it’s a key warning sign. If your once-colleague-in-arms is now your archenemy, it’s your overwhelmed system realizing it’s running on empty and no one deserves that reaction from unreasonable stress.
One in five workers will need time off due to stress-related mental health issues; however, women are less likely to take it. We suck it up until we’re completely depleted; then it takes us three months for recovery when we could have needed just one month.
Implementing Recovery
It’s not about working smarter – it’s assessing why we allow burnout to fulfil our narrative of dedication.
Recognizing these signs is not weakness – but wisdom. Tomorrow, change just one tiny insignificant thing – take that break, say “no” to that meeting – every resource you save compiles into greater significant resources down the line.
We’re navigating this journey together – even from a resource-sharing standpoint; there’s a difference between dedication and martyrdom without any extra accolades – we didn’t do anything wrong by burning out – it’s merely a rational response to excessive irrational expectations.
Realizing sooner is not quitting – it’s believing in eudaimonia – the truly flourishing life instead of hollow achievement in a game no one’s winning anyway. Your body has been trying to help you for so long – it’s about time you finally listen before it screams at you out of desperation.
